tantrums

I had a tantrum last night, yes I did. Today I feel abashed and tender around the eyes and around the heart.

It’s my dad’s fault. I told him I was sick of the way he was acting toward my mom. He said the feeling was mutual.

me: You have no right to be sick of ME. Who gets up in the middle of the night at 3am, 5am, 6am, and takes care of mom? Who is here just about every night taking care of her PAST the time you come home from work? Who makes her sandwiches for the morning so she doesn’t bother you for food? I don’t think you have ANY right to be sick of ME.

him: I work.

me: I do too! Plus, how many times lately has she called you at work asking you to come home early to help her? NONE. She calls ME. I take care of her. You should appreciate me. You should be grateful to me. She’s your wife!

He really pissed me off. There’s more, but it’s getting my blood pressure all up just thinking about it. I was so mad. I told him I was tired of him taking me for granted and tired of him acting as if everything is all about HIM HIM HIM and that nobody else matters.

Poor mom, us fighting over her.

Then I went to my apartment and cried for a hour. Poor Scott, dealing with me having a mental nervous breakdown style fit.

Today I’m hiding at work trying to get some things done. I don’t want to see him, talk to him, or hear him. And I especially am rebelling because he and his special therapist think that he “deserves” a day off of caring for mom, and that my little sister Kellie and I are able to just snap to and put in even more time taking care of her. Well. Nobody has thought about how I work, how Kellie works, and how both of us WORK ON SATURDAY. So, until we can clone ourselves, how are we supposed to be two places at once? Dad’s there. He has caregiver help until dinnertime even. Sheesh.

Disclaimer: I love my mom, will help her until I collapse. But this isn’t about her, it’s about this crappy relationship I’m having with my crappy dad.

I’m tired of bitching, and you’re probably tired of reading. I’ll try for some artsy stuff tomorrow.