Tuesday, December 27, 2005

why gifts from me are the BEST

This year, even though I've been doing my best to avoid the holidays, I realized that certain people in my life require gifts. It's not that it's a requirement, that I will be shunned if I don't give these people gifts, but if I do not, even if they claim that it isn't important to them, on some level they will feel like maybe I don't love them. And there is no way that I want anyone to feel sad that Santa Kerrie didn't come for them this year.

So, certain people in my life require gifts.

This year, I have been going through some bigtime transitions with my business and my work. I realized that I haven't had a Christmas season when I wasn't working retail, or my husband wasn't working retail, in quite some time. It feels weird. So, I've been feeling a little like I should be hiding in a cocoon. Going shopping was something that I'd rather not do. In fact, I'd rather have major surgery, get my dental work done, do accounting even, if that would get me out of slogging through the pre-holiday crazed crowds. There's something about the mob mentality of a holiday shopping crowd that terrifies me. They stop seeing you as a person, and start to see you as an obstruction. There's none of that mutual getting out of each other's way, so that everyone can look at the tea section, or saying such superfluous words such as "excuse me," or picking up the box of chocolates that the 93 year old woman just dropped. No, no, that kind of crazy behavior was so last month. This month it's about GETTING so you can soon be GIVING.

I'd hate to ruin someone's holiday by getting the last Xbox that their child is dying for, so I decided that the safest thing for me was to stay home. Shop online. Make presents. Give experiences and all that.

I've always been one of the weirder gift givers in my family, anyway. I try so hard not to get something that is on a person's wish list, but that they'll like anyway. Hey, if it's on their wish list, they're kind of expecting it, right? So it's not a surprise. And surprise is what's it's all about for me. I hate surprises in my own life, but ironically I love giving other people surprises. I loved giving my brother-in-law (a serious astrophysicist) a set of glow-in-the-dark stars for his ceiling. I gave my little sister a keydoll (an art doll shaped around a skeleton key) when she moved into her first away-from-home home. I gave my future husband, on our first real date, a squishy rubber brain from Archie McPhee.

Yes, I am one of those annoying gift-givers who will give you something deep and meaningful and probably not at all useful.

This year, I've decided to really, really embrace this trait, and give people gifts that they might just hate, but I enjoy giving a lot. I'm trying not to care if they hate my gifts. Remember last year, the commercials where the poor kids were complaining about yet another lime green handknitted sweater from crazy Aunt Mildred, when they really wanted something from Office Max? My fear has always been of becoming Aunt Mildred. But not this year. This year, I say, who cares. In fact, if I really want to be kind to myself and allow myself to feel the joy of giving, I'm not even going to be tied down to getting people their gifts on a certain day. You might get something in February, on August 2nd, or yes, live through the surprise, but your random gift day might actually fall on a Holiday or on your birthday. Please, try not to faint.

Secondly, this year, I for the first time, have been shyly forcing some crafty items on people in a serious way. Now, if you know me, you may find this hard to believe. It's true, I'm not shy about my handmade stuff, or I don't act shy anyway. My lack of shyness is an act. I'm really shy. Especially about stuff that I don't think I'm "really good at." After all, what if they think it's an ugly green sweater from Aunt Mildred?

I did it though. I knitted things that happened to be ready around the winter holidays. The Taylor side of the family need their presents close to an actual holiday, or they get confused, and they already think I'm weird enough, so I'm trying to honor the real holiday day for them. I love them and don't want to confuse them TOO much. But, I really loved knitting silly mittens for mom-in-law, and a scarf for sister-in-law, and an elf-hat for my baby nephew. Then, surprise surprise, I even knitted scarves for my two little sisters, which also just HAPPENED to be ready around an actual winter holiday. Weird how it worked out, isn't it? Total coincidence, please don't expect such timeliness from me in the future.

I hope that they like them, of course. If they don't, it'll be OK, because they'll be polite and never tell me. I'll never know that they've just start calling me Mildred behind my back.

I don't care, I'm smug, cause I know my gifts are secretly the best.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Prayer Shawls

I have been gifted with a Barnes and Noble gift card.

I don't like Barnes and Noble very much, I really prefer the smaller independent sellers like Secret Garden Books, Epilogue Books and even Powell's if I need a big online catalog. But, I have a gift card, and there's no way I can resist a chance to get some books. I'm addicted to books, see...

So, I'm poking around the Barnes and Noble site for WAY too long, trying to decide what to buy. If it's a book that I know Secret Garden has, I have to wait and get it there. It's this neighborhood ethical thing I am cursed with. But, I come across this book, which I've never seen before, and the title just SINGS to me: Prayer Shawl Ministry by Leisure Arts. (Yes, I linked it to Powell's, not B&N, I confess.) So, I found not a lot of information about what this book really is, and I decided to use the power of google to figure out what it was all about.

This is when I came across www.shawlministry.com

Quoted from the web site:

"Whether they are called: "Prayer Shawls", "Comfort Shawls", "Peace Shawls" or "Mantles" just to name a few; the knitter begins each shawl with prayers and blessings for the recipient.  Intentions are continued throughout the creation of the shawl.  When the shawl is completed it is offered a final ritual before being sent along its way. Some recipients have continued the kindness by making one themselves and passing it onto someone in need. Thus, the blessing is rippled from person to person..."

I think that this is just beautiful. The web site includes a free pattern, tips, symbolism information and a gallery. It does not seem to be religion-specific, although there is talk of prayer and it seems a lot of the suggested prayers are Christian based, so if that kind of stuff makes you queasy, make up your own "prayers" instead.

At the bottom of the page, I found my information about the book by Leisure Arts. It is not affiliated with this web site at all, and the owners of this site take some offense that someone is profiting from a project that is supposed to be given freely to the world. I think I'll pass on the book, and research these prayer shawls a little more on the web first. www.shawlministry.com has a simple pattern that even I can follow, and it's freely given. There are also links to alternative patterns, and ideas on who to make shawls for if you are lucky enough to not know anyone in need of some blessings.

I thought I'd pass it in on to anyone who happens to read my blog. I'm really interested in combining my own strange spirituality with art, and I think that this idea is going to brew in my own brain and maybe something new will come out of it.

What about prayer shawls for a tree, or a hurting location, or to heal after an event? Shawls could be wrapped around a place that needs to be cleansed, or left where the wind can blow it, prayer-flag style, and send your prayers out into the world. Certain materials are biodegradable, so prayer shawls could be set free without worrying about hurting the planet. Hmm. Things to think about.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

December 25

I started writing this as a note to a friend, which became a letter, which became almost an essay:

I feel like I’ve been waiting in a kind of zombie state for Christmas to come and go. As if nothing can really happen until Christmas is over, and then my life will begin again.

It’s not like Christmas is a big deal in the Carbary-Taylor household. This is probably my fault, because I don’t want it to be a big deal. I’m more of a Solstice-celebrating born-again pagan than a recovering one-day-a-year Catholic, anyway. I get a spiritual sense when I feel the wind on my face and dancing through my hair much more than I do when I’m sitting through mass. Yes, walking into a church does get to me still, and I admit I do the holy water thing and even consider going to confession, but really it’s only because I always feel so guilty. What better religion for the guilty than Catholicism? If I still believed in it, I could head to confession, get a few prayers and tasks from Father Joe, and live the rest of the day content that I was taking care of spiritual business.

My mixed up jumble of a religion that I’ve fallen into is much more “fun” for the guilty-loving. I believe in karma and what goes around comes around. You have to be good for good things to come to you. It’s just as important to give a Starbuck’s card to the homeless guy that you see every day as it is to give one to the mail carrier. Do unto others and all that. As you can see, this guilty paganism has a downside, too. If bad things are happening to me, did I somehow ask for it—deserve it, even?

I can believe this in an abstract sense, but when you apply it to my own life, or more accurately, to the lives of the people I love, it just doesn’t seem right. In fact, it seems crappy. Why should my husband be mugged? He stopped to give the guys directions, to be helpful to them, and they mugged him. Why is my mother sick? She’s spent her entire life taking care of others. I don’t think she’s ever intentionally been bad to anyone. Definitely not at the level to give her the retribution of a confusing and unknown ailment. I can’t believe that everyone living in New Orleans is somehow bad, and that’s why they suffered so much this autumn. Or that regular people on the other side of the globe did anything to deserve living in fear of suicide bombers. Or even that my little sister deserved to be kicked out of her apartment by a crazy roommate.

So then I have to twist my idea of karma, and think that it falls into the category of “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” Or, maybe it’s just that we’re filling our karma banks for when we really need something good to happen. Maybe these bad things happen so that someone else can do good. I can’t even count the number of times strangers have helped my mother. I think about the people who happened to own boats, going from rooftop to rooftop in New Orleans, picking people up and taking them to safety. People taking entire families into their homes, donating so much money, clothes, supplies to the Red Cross and other charities, even getting in their cars and driving south, hoping to help. Is tragedy created by some force, even some force within ourselves, so that we can shine in dealing with it? So that someone can do good? If there was no tragedy, would there be no good, no people trying to help, trying to be kind, trying to reach out to their fellow humans?

Maybe so. I’m just speculating.

The so-called Christmas season is supposed to be about being good to one another, and a lot of people do use this time of year to donate food, clothes and money to food banks and other charities. Food drives abound. Even the dentist’s office near our house had a food donation bin. As I write this, at least one of our neighborhood’s homeless guys is getting his hot Christmas dinner at a local church. (I know that Will is, because he told me his holiday plans.) Today there are also hundreds of masses to choose from, if you’d like to go to church and be Christian for the day. (I recommend the services at St. James Cathedral—the Nativity scene can’t be beat.) All around the city there are happy families sitting down together, opening presents and catching up and feasting on love and turkey.

I know that there are unhappy families sitting down to dinner too, pretending to be happy, maybe, or maybe they’ve just given up totally and are only going through the motions. There are alcoholic fathers that you have to keep an eye on, so they don’t drink too much too early and let their split personality come out too soon. There are uncles that you hope won’t stop by. There are brothers in rehab or jail, so they can’t be there today. There are grandmothers and grandfathers who won’t stop fighting. Mothers who find fault with their children. Sisters who need a little hit of something to make it through the day. Aunts who shine in their superior perfection. Daughters trying to get everyone to get along. And tiny children who are actually picking up on everything going on around them, much more than anyone could ever guess. Shyly sponging it all up inside of them, sneakily taking more than their share of guilt, but refusing a second serving of mashed potatoes.

For those kids, there’s no karma. No falling asleep so Santa can whisk them away to a magical land where all is well. They have to learn how to make “all is well” for themselves. They learn how to take care of themselves.

Yeah, December has always been hard on me. It’s a month to be lived through. I’ve gotten to the point where I realize this, so at least I don’t think that I’m some kind of a freak in not liking the shopping, the carolers, the overdecorative window displays. Yes, of course sometimes I feel guilty at not liking it, but my difficulties with December combined with working retail at Christmas more adult years than not has made me have to accept that I’m not too interested in Christmas. I love giving gifts, but you know what? I love giving them anytime I please. When I was younger, I loved getting gifts, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that the things I can give myself are much more valuable than a bottle of perfume or a scented basked of fancy soaps.

Right now, I’m working on allowing myself to have a nice day off on Christmas Day. If it doesn’t rain, I’m going for a walk with my wonderful husband. Maybe I’ll draw some in my sketchbook. Then we’re going to watch DVDs of Buffy and Star Wars. I think we’ll have lots of hard cider and wine and cookies. We won’t be going to my parent’s house. I love them dearly; I love my family so much that it hurts, but if they love me they need to learn to understand that I am trying to take care of myself here. There are many times that I have, and will continue to, do things for them for THEM, but today has to be my gift to myself.

Yeah. Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Paper Ladders

My friend Melanie wanted to know about paper ladders. Melanie, my email to you bounced! Maybe someone else wants to make a paper ladder of their very own, though, to display their decorative papers in their workspace:

I like this simple design very much, and was sorry that I had to throw some out from our store because I couldn't find homes for them!

We made our paper ladders. It was so easy, really. You need two boards, 1x4 or 1x2, whatever wood is a good price. We used pine. Around 6 feet long seems to work best. Then you need dowels or lengths of pipe, fairly thick, but not too thick, because you also need a drill bit to match. Each dowel makes one "rung" of your ladder. 1/2 inch dowels worked best for us (24 inches long), and drill holes slightly larger than 1/2 inch. We varied the distance between holes on different ladders, but usually kept them around 8-10 inches apart. Match up the holes and dowels like tinkertoys, and you have a ladder. A little wood glue in the holes sometimes is necessary to keep them in place.

If you want two ladders to connect together to make an upside down "V" rack, you can drill holes about 2 inches from the top, and bolt them together at the top with big jumbo nuts and bolts from the hardware store.

I also considered mounting just one ladder on the wall, with the base just about a foot from the wall, but the top of the ladder somehow secured to the wall, to save floor space. I just never got around to trying that.

After you assemble them, of course you could paint them or finish them or collage on them or...

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Ten Wonderous Gift Ideas (not in order)

Candy! Who doesn't love candy?!? CandyFavorites will fill your need for hard-to-find candies.

English Retreads offers book bags, tote bags, belts, backpacks and handbags hand-crafted from 100% reclaimed inner tubes. Pick out a nice one, they're all pretty cool in my book.

Gaian Tarot, a tarot deck created from original colored pencil paintings by Joanna Powell Colbert. Her art is lovely!

Art quilts, dolls and journals by artist Andi Stern. Andi's work successfully travels the path from whimsical and quirky to deep and powerful. Yes, I hate using the word "whimsical" when describing artwork, it's a BIG pet peeve of mine, but really, really, some of Andi's art IS whimsical. So there.

Archie McPhee in Ballard always is a good source for fun gifts. Honestly, you can find something for everyone at their store. Two of my favorites are:



Bleak Wristbands



and Avenging Unicorn sets. Check out The Cubes® too!

Femail Creations is a favorite business of mine. The one thing (things, actually, because there are two...)that I'm SO tempted by are their "I see Stupid People" and "Is it time for your medication or mine?" mugs. I know several people who need one of these mugs, on OH SO MANY levels.

If one of the above funnies doesn't quite fit, check out Krazycones. They make those tiny little orange traffic cones, printed with the greatest, silliest, funniest sayings, perfect for your desk, bookshelf, dashboard, etc. For example, I like "GOT AN OPINION? FILL OUT THE NECESSARY FORMS" and "TALK TO THE CONE." "NO CELL YELL" is nice, too, but everyone knows that if you're on a cell phone, you never notice anything around you, expecially a cone on someone's desk. Made in the USA, which is always awesome lately.

recycled yarn?!?

I found Yarn Rescue when looking for something else, but wow, Lynnell has some beautiful and amazing stuff for sale. I especially love her business subtitle: "One-of-a-kind Items for the one-of-a-kind Crafter." A kindred business to Turtle Press, I think. If you are yarn addicted, go look at the pretties.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Aw, shucks.

NWsource Convergence Zone

"Two favorite Seattle retailers are closing their doors..."

Hear that? "Favorite." I'm all sappy.

Friday, December 02, 2005

So Long, Farewell...

Before:

store

After:

storeghosts3

storeghosts

storeghosts2

Tell me, ghost experts, are those ghosts or just dustbunnies?

We did feel presences there as we finished up, but then again, we were both pretty out-of-it, so it could have been our own sentimental loopinesses.

Anyway, Turtle Press Store is really closed. Now we just have to unpack the boxes that stuff (and I mean STUFF) every tiny space in our office and outpost. Right now there's not even room for one person to stand, never mind two!