Dear Universe

Dear Universe,

It's official. I hate looking for a new place to live.

I don't want to move, so if you could make it so we don't have to move, that would be ideal. But if not, I need to ask you for a little help.

This is what I require in a place to live:

Must allow cats. They are usually good cats and usually just pluck our dining room table, not walls or doors or carpet. Usually.

Must have a dishwasher. This is apparently important to me, since we looked at a really nice place this weekend, but the fact that it had no dishwasher make me get all icky inside.

Must have good windows. And a deck or balcony where we can sit and drink beer and write in our journals on summer nights.

Must not have white or offwhite carpet. Come on, that's just asking for it, don't you think? Why oh why do so many apartments have that lovely cream colored carpet, and then the landlord acts surprised when you stain it with raspberry jam?

Must have a washer/dryer in the apartment. Or at least have enough in the common room for all of the apartments so you don't have to camp out at 6am to try to get your laundry done.

Must have a decent bathtub that isn't frightening. You know what I mean.

Must have two bedrooms, or one bedroom is OK, but the bedroom must be larger than our bed. A walk-in closet does not count as a bedroom, no matter how you sell it to us.

Must be close to busses. Ballard is preferable, because our office is here. But to be honest, I'm getting a little frustrated with the condoexplosion going on in this neighborhood.

Must be within walking distance of a grocery store. We do not have a car and will not get one just to go get groceries. Plus, we like to walk.

Must be secure. I like those chains on the door, they make me feel better at night. But at least the front door shouldn't look like you could easily break in by just kicking on the hinges a little.

I like doorbells. A doorbell isn't a dealbreaker, though.

Must not allow pianos in the building. I have psychological issues regarding this.

Must not require first, last, damage, cat, blue eyes, and bicycle deposit to move in.

I have a price in my mind that it must not exceed. Universe knows.

In return, we are good tenants. We don't pester the landlord hardly ever. Only for exploding electrical outlets and leaky ceilings, really. We mostly take care of ourselves. We don't want to have to fill out your five page application. Is that really necessary? We're good people. We might not have good credit right now, but we always pay our rent. We're clean and we know how to sort our recycling. We don't have loud parties and we won't let our friends spray paint the living room. We just want a decent place to live for a while, and have more than a year of our lives when we don' t have to move our business, our home, or our parent's home.

So please, Universe, whatcha got for us?